Learning to Fly

As the end of the summer is nearing, I'm a bit sad. I've enjoyed *almost* every moment of the past 10.5 weeks (minus the really challenging days of Kellan's tantrums, I can't wait until we are beyond this stage). It is hard to think that summer 2011 is behind us as of Thursday morning. And don't even ask how I will ever plan to get out of the door by 7:15 a.m. I still have no clue how that will happen.

I was at a good friend's wedding this past weekend which gave me a great chance to experience adult conversation. I don't get much adult conversation during the days at home, so I kind of pine for some intelligent thoughts from people who understand the amount of pauses to put in their conversation, that there is a natural give and take in talking, and they have a genuine interest in what you have to say! I don't get that all the time. :) Anyways, I am always floored by how much people are fascinated by Kellan's international adoption. They are pretty polite about the difficult questions and I know that they ask because they are curious and interested, not because they are wanting to know private information. But . . . there is one question that I do get asked at least a few times a year (Hey, I don't really talk to adults, remember?) and it is an interesting one.

Are you scared that Kellan will resent you for his adoption and want to go back to Korea?

I kind of just smirk at the thought. It is kind of the same thing when I had Ben and people said But, you can't have just ONE, what would happen if he dies? Again, another smirk from me. Seriously, can you replace a child with another one?

First and foremost, if Kellan grows up to resent me for his adoption ~ then I have failed him. He was a baby in foster care who needed a permanent family. There really was no option other than growing up in the system in Korea for him, if adoption into a family wasn't a choice. Will I ever know if moving him to Wisconsin made him a *better* individual? No. Andy and I wanted to simply give him the unconditional love that every child deserves in life. If he resents any part of his adoption, we will seek out additional support to help him through it. If he wants to travel to or live in South Korea, I would be completely supportive and never take it as a negative. What an awesome opportunity for him! As long as he is happy, healthy and knows he is loved and supported by us in life ~ this is all that matters. I find it funny that some people consider their children as possessions and that if they move far away or have some difficulty in understanding their personal identity ~ they are a failure, and this is the worst.thing.ever. However, I've always felt that Ben could resent us as parents too, there is very little control over free will and thought. Biological or adopted . . . everyone has their own stuff to sort through in life. Hey, Ben could hate me for making him try a few bites of pizza ~ we've got to make the therapy interesting, right?

Throughout the past 5 weeks of summer, I have been exposed to at least 769 viewings of the movie R*io. For those of you who haven't seen it, the main character, Blu, is a native baby bird in Rio and is sold by poachers. He is dumped off of a truck by accident and is raised by a girl named Linda in Minnesota. They grow older together, have a routine and understand and love each other. Eventually the plot returns Blu and Linda to Rio to slow the extinction of this exotic bird species.

This story reminds me of Kellan's adoption each time I watch it. This scared, tiny baby bird is taken out of a cold box and given the love and attention that he needs to blossom into a happy and content adult bird. But . . . he can't fly. He's kind of handicapped by his situation in Minnesota ~ it being cold and remote, unlike Rio. Until he returns to Rio, he never understands why it is important to learn to fly.

Kellan will need this too. It may not be in physically traveling to or living in Korea ~ it may be something else. Maybe it is wearing purple shirts on the third Wednesday of July in the correct moonlight . . . we've all got our own *things* that make us whole and complete. My job as his mom is to support him while he finds these "things". And then ~ we can watch him fly. :)